Demolition Derby

Today my best friend bought her dream house. As I drooled over the pictures, visions of filling it with beautiful Pottery Barn furniture floated through my head. And then it dawned on me that there's a good reason we're in our starter condo at this stage in our lives. In fact there are exactly two good reasons, named Ethan & Luke, our whirling dervishes of destruction.

Here's a sampling of what they've put this poor little condo and its contents through . . .

In the past hour:

• shattered the glass of my scented oil burner

In the past day:

• threw-up on the couch, toddler bed, bathroom wall, and multiple sets of sheets & pajamas (Luckily the couch has washable upholstered slipcovers. Unfortunately, they've been washed so many times that they're difficult to stretch back over the couch and today some of the bottom seams ripped out)

In the past week:

• had to replace the living room rug (another throw-up incident--a different kid than the couch incident above)
• ripped out the knob on the side table drawer--meaning I had to tilt the whole piece upside down to get the drawer to open (it WAS where I had planned to store the library books)
• picked the fake berries off of the wreath in the bathroom and stuffed berries down the drain of the sink causing a clog

In the past month:

• ripped the majority of the fabric ties off of the crib bumper
• used a kitchen cabinet drawer like a ladder and busted the bottom out of it
• tore a hole in a very beloved Snoopy stuffed animal
• broke a living room lamp, shattering the light bulb

In the past 6 months:

• broke 6 Christmas ornaments and 1 Willow Tree Christmas Angel figurine (by shaking the bookshelf until it tipped off the top and shattered)
• ripped living room curtain brackets out of the dry wall and then smashed decorative glass finial of the curtain rod all over the wood floors in the living room
• cracked the plastic of a new Brita water pitcher
• threw a high chair across the room causing the bolts to loosen and the plastic to crack
• broke a living room lamp, shattering the light bulb (no, I didn't accidentally type this twice, this is a repeated event in our house)

In the past year:

• ripped the bolts of both toilet paper holder fixtures out of the bathroom vanities
• unhinged the glass bathtub sliding door
• unhinged the screen door from the back patio
• stained silk decorative couch pillows with grape juice
• marked non-washable highlighter pen on the (now seamless) couch covers
• broke the lamp (but didn't shatter the light bulb!) in their bedroom

And these are only the things that I can remember!

Amazingly: they rarely break their toys, never rip their own clothing, and have never cut themselves on broken glass--we have to note the good with the bad I guess